Twisted

My transfer was set for 730am this morning.

Yesterday, the pain in my swollen stomach became very sharp. Sharp enough that I couldn't walk without limping and expelling anything through any orifice (sneezing, breathing, weeing...I'm sure you get the picture) was very uncomfortable. It's hard to know what to do as you expect a moderate level of pain through all of this, the common symptoms that they tell you to expect consist of (amongst others);

Nausea, constipation, shortness of breath, bloating, severe cramping, tiredness, dizziness as well as post operative pain......so at what point do you become concerned?

Anyway, I called the clinic and they seemed to think it was serious enough for me to leave work and head in for a check. It's hard to explain to your colleagues that you have to leave straight away with no explanation! This stuff is personal, I don't want everyone following every step. I don't want to have to share my pain and failures with too many people. Only those closest to us know about the IVF. I am afraid to tell people now as the times I have opened up, people have said the most stupid and hurtful things.

Upon examination Gyno developed a concerned look. I think she was more afraid of giving me more bad news than anything else. There are only so many tissues in her office. The verdict was that my ovary was swelling badly with a possibility of it twisting, losing blood supply. This would mean I would have to lose that ovary.

Why the fuck couldn't this bit just go smoothly, we were so close.

She said that I had to go straight home and lie down to reduce the chance of it twisting. I was to still go in at 730am this morning and she would decide then if we would go ahead with the transfer or cancel it and freeze my embryos. I cried loudly. She hugged me and apologised saying she just didn't want me to get sicker. If she did the transfer under the circumstances and I became pregnant I would end up in hospital for 3 months.

So, the pain continued all night and was still there when I went in for the transfer. Gyno decided not to go ahead today. I now have another wait of around 6 weeks until I can do another transfer from my frozen test tube babies. The good thing is that it will give my body and therefore the embryos the best chance of a pregnancy. This morning there were 2 great embryo's able to be frozen, the third was a little slower and they didn't have a smooch hope that it would pull through with it's siblings.

I am at home lying down on the couch trying to digest this new delay. I know it's for the best, it's still just so hard and I can't help but feel like I'm being punished again. I just wanted something to go right for us.

Some very good news just came in via a call from the scientists. All three of our little embryo's are able to be frozen, meaning I have three chances of getting pregnant without having to undergo surgery and the hormone injections again.

I'm already proud of them.