Then, the crazy random migraine thing hit which had a seemingly endless time frame. My emotional survival switched from IVF mode to recovery from crazy migraine thing mode. It's just so hard waiting. I would feel ok one week only to have a series of seizures and not be able to speak again for a week. I'd get better then worse, no end it seemed. I didn't really know if I'd have to wait a month or a year to start the IVF.
So, the strange thing is that we were so looking forward to the time we could actually begin the process! Most people dread it but I couldn't wait until I was well enough to get the show on the road (or in the ovary in this case).
So, in early March I was sick of being sick. I thought I would throw caution to the wind and get myself ready to start IVF at the end of the month. I had a visit with my GP to renew my referral to the Gyno. I was at the front desk paying, about to leave when the Dr called me back in. "I've just noticed you are due to have a pap smear, do you have time now?" she said. Sure, I said. Nothing to it.
Two days later I got the call back.
They had found abnormal cells, not in my cervix which is most common - but higher up in my uterus. AWESOME. I needed a biopsy with my Gyno. I cried in the surgery, at the front desk, walking to my car and in my car I called Charlie and crying turned to wailing. Why me? Why was I being punished?? I felt like I couldn't cope with any more bad news. I just needed a break. A "break" meaning I could get on with the most traumatic thing yet - IVF!
So the biopsy led to my Gyno telling me she thought it looked ok. PHEW! Charlie and I were high-fiving each other walking out of the office. We just needed some good news - actually just not getting bad news would suffice. I called the nurse at the IVF clinic to let her know that finally, I was ready to rock. It was actually going to happen! The nurse said she would call the Gyno to make sure we were all good to start proceedings.
She called me back with bad news..."I can't tell you any details, but you won't be going ahead this month. You need to see Dr tomorrow".
They found cancer cells in my uterus. I needed to have surgery to have them removed, a lovely procedure called a LLETZ. Teamed with that, Gyno decided to leave no stone unturned by carrying out two further procedures; a laproscopy and hysteroscopy to check out the remainder of my reproductive organs and make sure there were no nasty surprises lying dormant.
I had to wait another two months then before I started the IVF. It was another heartbreak having to put things off again. I felt like I'd never get there. I can constantly hear the clock ticking in the background, soon I'll be 34. Soon, my chances of conceiving even with IVF will decrease.
They always downplay the post operative pain. My stomach was filled with gasses (for clearer vision around my organs). This gas shot pain into my shoulder then back to my stomach every time I moved. Apparently this is a very common symptom and I admit they did tell me this however, jesus, I didn't know it would be so painful or last so long! My stomach looked similar to someone who was expecting - any minute - which added insult to injury! Fashion tip for anyone going through this, leggings and tent tops for winter, maxi dresses for summer.
Apart from finding some mild endometriosis all was well downstairs. All I had to do was buy a bulk pack of the largest pads I'd ever seen, avoid any penis's, tampons and movement and whacko the diddlio, all would be well.... in just 6- 8 weeks! Yay. In case you can't detect sarcasm, believe me it's there.
Perhaps this would be the last test before I would finally reach IVF?
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