Migraine: Day 12

Well, this has been yet another fun week. My migraine symptoms have ramped right up and been keeping me company for 12 long days now. Fortunately I have only had to work one of these days, and I am supposed to work tomorrow. God only knows how...

It started with my cycle (as I mentioned in the last post) and just hasn't pissed off. This time it's appeared as a massive migraine headache. Along with the pounding headache; vertigo and nausea have come back to visit. Yesterday they hung around all day.

I have taken so many panadol, you know those huge bulk packs - all gone. The Neurologist has warned me not to take too many over a long period of time but I just don't know what to do to get through each day. I try to hold off as long as I can. The sad thing is they do nothing, My theory is that they can't hurt.

I'm allergic to codeine, it gives me asthma but I've had to pop a few Panadine and Mersyndol as well just to get some relief. The headache is worse than the asthma at this point!

On Sunday we had a few friends coming over, the same group we have now rescheduled twice due to my health issues. I was so unwell but I just couldn't cancel again. So, I decided to drink. Even filled with pain killers, I was still in bits I don't know why I thought it was a good idea to add wine to the equation. Actually, I do know ;

1. I just didn't want to let anyone down or be a party pooper

2. There was no way I was going to be able to get through it unaided.

3. I just wanted to be normal, I just needed the pain to go away for a moment so I could relax and have fun.

It worked for about three hours but the next day was hell. I threw up all day and my head punished me for my stupidity by hammering into my skull and sending piercing daggers behind my eyes. Stupido!

On Tuesday I got some acupuncture/massage with a practitioner I haven't seen before. Giving my medical history was lengthy and depressing. Hearing it out loud again I just couldn't believe what my body had put up with in the past 6 months. She seemed very concerned that in my state I was planning to have a transfer in a few weeks.

She has now made ME very concerned.

If I do get pregnant will it be hell on earth for 9 months? What if I am not well enough to do this? What if I am too unwell to be a mother? I can't even look after myself when I'm like this and I don't know how long it will last.

For the past 12 days, I have had to force myself to engage in life. I force myself to get up, get dressed & put make up on even if I can't go out. I went out yesterday for lunch with a friend, but felt like I was going to pass out with the crazy rollercoaster in my head. The remainder of the day was spent lying down. I pretend to myself and other people that I'm ok. I get sick of saying I'm not well. I've missed so many functions, parties, events thanks to my head and my ovaries!

I was always so active before this, I couldn't sit still and hated doing nothing. My career was always so full on, that's the way I liked it. Things are so different now, when I look back it's like I'm reflecting on someone else's life. It seems so far removed from my own reality.

Charlie isn't sleeping. He is so stressed with all of this. I had a turn when he got home last night. I couldn't move for an hour after it. I had another one this morning over breakfast. I try to reassure him I'm ok, but I'm not. I haven't had one for a good few weeks now, we keep hoping that each one is the last one.

The worst thing is I can't get any treatment for this. Nothing has helped me so far; drugs, acupuncture, massage, chiropractic, chinese herbs, naturopaths. I'm giving a new therapist a try on Monday, he is some type of energy practitioner who is also a chiropractor and reflexologist. My in-laws swear by his magical powers. So, I shall keep you posted.

That's all from the couch for now.

Head Games

These days, with every period (cycle) comes a wave of my migraine symptoms again. Since the migraine is all hormonally driven in my case, any slight change in the hormone levels seems to send me into a spin. It's kind of a little reminder that it's still there.

I was a bit worried about the arrival of this period. It is NEVER welcome mind you. For nearly two years now it's arrival each month has brought with it such disappointment. I knew however after all the ovary issues I've had in the past two weeks this one would be a particularly unpleasant one!

It arrived with gusto in the chemist yesterday. My head started aching early in the morning and was gaining turbulence by the minute. I was out having breakfast so ducked into the chemist to get some pain killers into my system quickly. When I tried to pay, I had a small *turn and couldn't speak. Usually on my 'bad' days my speech slurs or I stutter but this time, nothing.

I carry a note from my neurologist with me for such occasions but my body froze and I couldn't get it out of my purse. It's a really hard thing to try and explain to someone, especially when you can't talk! I feel like a drug addict on a high, and most probably look like one. I dread this happening in front of someone I know, but haven't seen for a while as I haven't told too many people about this.

The poor lady in the chemist didn't really know what to do about my momentary brain pause and tried to determine if I was going to pass out or vomit, all I could do was shake my head in slow motion.

The remainder of the day was spent chewing Imigran to try and aid my pounding head. Never mind the period pain I was so worried about!

Today I had to work, thank god my migraine had reduced to a bad headache so I got through ok. I couldn't possibly take another sick day.

Meanwhile, back down in ovary city....The IVF clinic have informed me that I will need daily blood tests and two or three scans for the next round, the transfer. I thought they said the frozen transfer process was supposed to be easier? And, more great news...I may also need to do a "HRT" cycle; more hormones in my system which means more days like these past few, if not worse. Enough already!

I just want to be well again. Well, and pregnant.

Too much to ask? I really have to hope that it's not.

* During the seizures or turns, I have speech loss/slurring which may last 5 minutes or the whole day, vertigo, my body becomes very heavy and I lose neck control (so I have to lean against a wall) and movements become slow. It is difficult to make eye contact or use my hands to communicate. It's like a little whizz fizz bomb goes off in my head. The actual fuzzy, fizzy bit only lasts about 30 seconds these days. At first, back in November they would last around 5minutes.

Insult To Injury; An Anecdote (A short account of an interesting or humorous incident, intended to illustrate or support some point)

My new nephew (4 weeks) came to visit me today.

Let me set the scene.

I am wearing compression stockings (full length,right up to my now uber flabby thighs thanks to months of being too unwell to exercise properly). Over this some loose black full length flared lycra tracksuit bottoms, on the upper half a thigh length shirt (also with a good % of lycra), three sizes too big.

This morning our hot water stopped working so I had to call in the plumber. When he arrived I greeted him holding nephew.

He told me he needed to call the gas company as he couldn't fix the system. "Usually", he said, "they are very slow in getting back but don't worry, I told them it was urgent since you have a new baby. That always works" *insert wink.

As much as I wanted to say that my fattness, limp, bloated belly and lack of pride in my appearance was actually due to a swollen ovary caused by IVF surgery, I opted to smile and thank him.

The worst thing was that my mother (also present) thought it was hilarious and after he left relayed it all to me again, "He said it because you do look like you just had a baby, you really do!".

Oh, My, God.